Have you ever noticed how often the word should sneaks into your thoughts?
I should be further ahead by now.
I should always put others first.
I should be more disciplined, more perfect, more like her.
At first glance, these might sound like harmless reminders. But when we start listening more closely, we realize that “shoulds” carry a weight.
They press on the chest, tighten the jaw, and make the breath shallow. Over time, they leave us feeling heavy, small, and disconnected from who we really are.
This invisible burden is so common that psychologists have a name for it: the “sense of should.” It’s the pressure we absorb from family, culture, and society until it becomes a background hum in our lives.
Therapists even classify “should statements” as cognitive distortions, thought patterns that warp reality and create shame.
Think about it: I shouldn’t feel tired… I shouldn’t feel angry…
But the truth is, we do. Denying our real experience only deepens our suffering.
The Antidote to “Should”
This is where mindfulness becomes so powerful and important for letting go of shoulds.
Mindfulness teaches us that freedom begins with awareness. When we pause long enough to notice the “shoulds” running through our mind, we see them for what they are: conditioning, not truth.
Conditioning is simply the set of beliefs and rules we’ve picked up from outside of us — the voices of parents, teachers, culture, media, and society.
Left unquestioned, they feel like unbreakable laws. But the moment we bring awareness to them, the fog starts to clear.
In that moment of noticing, something shifts. We create space to ask: Is this mine? Or is this borrowed?
This simple act of awareness is a quiet rebellion. It’s the first step in peeling back the “shoulds” and coming home to ourselves.
Why Values Are the Compass Back to Truth
Noticing the “shoulds” is powerful, but what comes next? How do we know what to live by once we’ve peeled them back?
This is where values come in.
Values are the things that matter most to you at your core. They act like an inner compass, guiding your choices from the inside out.
When you live in alignment with them, life feels lighter and clearer. When you ignore them, “shoulds” creep back in and guilt takes hold.
The Embodied Wellness Center highlights this in their piece, Overcoming Shoulds: The Path to Inner Freedom.
It emphasizes that connecting to core values helps release conditioning and live from authenticity.
There’s also research showing that people who live in alignment with their values experience:
Less stress and burnout, because their actions reflect their truth.
More resilience, because they know what’s worth standing for.
Greater happiness and life satisfaction, because they’re not constantly betraying themselves.
In mindfulness practice, values function like intentions. They give direction without rigidity. They don’t tell you what you should do, they remind you of what you choose to honor.
The Divine Feminine Perspective: From Discipline to Devotion
This values-based living isn’t just a psychological concept. It’s deeply tied to the wisdom of the Divine Feminine.
The masculine way of living often emphasizes rules, discipline, achievement, and external markers of success. The feminine way softens into devotion, authenticity, receptivity, and inner truth.
When we’re ruled by shoulds, we live in rigid obligation. But when we shift into values and presence, we move with devotion.
Instead of “I should exercise” to meet an external expectation, the feminine whispers: “I want to move because feeling good matters to me.”
Instead of “I should say yes” out of fear or guilt, we find the courage to say: “I could, but I choose no, because my energy matters.”
This is not laziness or selfishness. It’s alignment. It’s a way of honoring the truth of your being rather than the noise of your conditioning.
A Simple Practice: Noticing Your “Shoulds”
The next time you catch yourself thinking “I should…” or “I need to…” (especially when it isn’t an actual need but an old pressure), pause for a moment and try this:
Pause. Close your eyes, take a slow breath, and bring your awareness into your body.
Notice. Ask yourself: What “should” is weighing on me right now? Write it down if you can.
- Ask: Why does it feel like I should do this? Does it stem from guilt, shame, fear of not being enough?
Feel. Where does this “should” live in your body? Your jaw, shoulders, chest?
Reframe. With kindness, ask: If I released this “should,” what value or truth would guide me instead?
Often, just naming the “should” and tracing it back to its root softens its hold.
When you anchor into your values, the weight of this should lift and allow you to make your decision from your truth.
Living in Alignment
If the weight of shoulds has been holding you back, Living in Alignment is where you’ll finally learn how to set them down.
Within this course, I’ll guide you in peeling back the conditioning, uncovering your actual core values, and using them as a compass for your life. Because when you know what truly matters to you, decisions stop feeling like a battle; they become lighter, clearer, and deeply authentic.
Living in alignment doesn’t mean life will be perfect. It means life will finally feel like yours.
When you live in alignment, the “shoulds” lose their power, and you step into a way of being that feels free, grounded, and true.
Join Living in Alignment today and start living by your truth, not your shoulds.
